ARGH!!!!
Since last April the Arnold's have been going from one state of unknowing to the next. Here are a few of the questions I've/we've had to live with over the last year:
1. Law School?
1a. Go to law school at all?
1b. If yes, which law school in what town?
2. Where to live for the summer? this one is a repeat offender on the list.
3. Where to store belongings for that summer? so is this one.
4. How to move said junk cross country? Ship. Drive. Fly. Combo.
5. Once in new town what to do with self? Work. Study. Make friends. Cook. Combo. this doesn't seem like a hard question to answer, but believe me that I have spent many a day this past year stuck on this question (just ask my tivo).
6. Should I get a full-time or part-time job?
6a. Job in counseling or play therapy?
6b. Job at Peet's?
7. When is the best time to finish my master's thesis?
7a. Will the thesis ever be finished?
7b. Who can I blame for the thesis taking 6 months longer than expected?
8. Should we stay at Harvard?
8a. How long should we give this whole lawyer gig?
8aa. What are we going to do when we find out lawyering is not that bad?
8b. Is it okay to miss California and friends while really enjoying New England?
9. Where are we going to live this summer?
9a. Is it a good idea for me to go with Brett to D.C. or better to stay in Cambridge?
9b. Having made above decision, what am I going to do about my work... will they hold my job over the summer?
10. Where is Brett going to internship for the summer?
10a. What are we going to do with our house and stuff if we are not in Cambridge?
10b. Is working for IJM is best option? Should we hold out for something else or go with what we know is good and solidified?
10c. Are we going to be able to withstand the humidity of a summer in DC?
11. Who is going to sublet our apartment if the entire town is overrun with subletting options?
11a. Can I blame Alfred Marshall for my economic woes?
11b. What will I do if a gaggle of teenage French foreign exchange students are my only option? subquestion: can I handle having my couch smell like the cigarettes they swear they don't smoke?
12. Will I be able to get a job working in Autism & Floortime this summer? Will it pay enough to have some financial freedom?
So, a question for every month. Just reviewing all these decisions and transitions makes me begin to understand why my body is over producing norepinephrine these days. If after reading the list your heart is beating a bit faster, your palms are becoming a bit balmy and you are fearing not being able to fall asleep tonight - don't worry, these are just empathic side effects.
I realize that I could write an opposing list; full of all the questions & ponderings that have been life affirming this year- you know, the half-full stuff. I could write that list, and it would probably be good for me. I know. It just seems trite. Like an unnecessary and undeserved pat on the back - I would be patronizing myself. Being patronizing is never aceptable - NEVER ever, especially to one's self. In the same breath, if I look closely I can see all the beautiful things I've experienced this year in the heartbreak of the undecided. It's not all anxiety and black holes of angst, but there's been a lot of that too.
Thanks for listening. Now back to our regularly scheduled broadcast.
Seacrest, bathe me in the melody of the Sanjaya.
Erin
2 comments:
Empathic Side Effects = yes.
Soothing melodious tones of Sanjaya = not so much.
I'm proud of you and Brett and the way you've handled the half empty. And although I'm sure there's a plethora of half full, TiVo makes up nearly one hundred percent of the fifty percent of the glass that makes up the whole of your life. And that's not half bad.
P.S. Seriously the creepy monkey haunts me.
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